Bonus Post: A Note About Chapter Seven

Right. First off. If you are reading Choices and haven't read chapter seven yet, stop now. Go back and read that and then you can come revisit this post. Spoilers.

I can't say that more adamantly, but I will try.

Spoilers

(Also, expression of feminist ideas, potential foul language, and OPINIONS.)

Today's chapter represents a pivotal point in Choices. What happens here is one of the few things that I had intended when I set out to write this story. It was an image, a frightful horrid image, that I had last year while reading something else, and the questions that followed that image: How does a woman come back from this? Why does she come back from this? Where does her life go from that point on? That image and those questions are what led me to write this story.

I have debated with myself quite a bit about whether or not to add a commentary in regards to Laren's rape and subsequent miscarriage. Part of me bristles at the mere suggestion that I should have to justify why I wrote what I did. I think that the work as a whole should be able to stand for itself.

For the record: I am damn proud of this story. Of all of it. I hated writing every second of this chapter, but it was necessary for me to tell the story that I wanted to tell. It wasn't intended to be either gratuitous or exploitative but rather a very important moment in the development of this character's life and the course of it thereafter. I certainly hope it doesn't come across as either of the former. But I know people will read into things what they want to read into things. So most of me believes that there shouldn't be any need for me to defend this part of my story.

But.

But...

In my corner of the world there has been a LOT of controversy right now about the portrayal of women in the media, largely in video games, and the use of rape as an exploitative story-telling cheat. I am seeing this largely in relation to the new Tomb Raider reboot that is on the gaming radar. If you're curious about that issue, this very well-written article over at Tor is a good place to start. So, as I said, I've been seeing a lot of discussion about this game, and about the ways in which rape gets used as a cheap trick to make a woman a more sympathetic character without actually developing said character beyond her external circumstances.

For the most part, these are actually assertions I agree with, and with that all on my radar it got me thinking about my own use of rape in my writing. As I said, I stand by this part of my story, but I also feel like maybe at this point I should explain a little bit of my headspace on why it was included.

There are men people out there who claim that we do not live in a rape culture. To those people I say this: Bullshit.

I have never actually been in real danger (that I am aware) of or threatened with rape. But every time I cross a parking lot alone (or with my child) at night, every time I see a strange man walking just a little too closely to me, I know that twinge of fear. There was this quote circulating around Tumblr (originally appearing in an article on The Root) that pretty much sums up how many women share this fear. Why? Because rape is a very real and ever-present threat. I don't know if it is just the darker side of human nature, one we are unable to evolve away from, but it has always been there and will always continue to be there. We have as a society largely (thankfully) moved on from what I would consider institutionalized or sanctioned rape in that for the most part men and women are now free to choose their own bed partners and there are numerous laws regarding consent and regulating against using positions of power to force someone into a sexual situation.

But it is still that scary monster that lurks in the shadows of every dark corner. It happens all of the time (to men and to women, regardless of age, orientation, color, station, or creed). Laws attempting to prevent it and to punish it are evolving, but they are nowhere near as effective as they need to be. Part of this, I am sure, is because in the majority of cases it is such a hard damn thing to prove. Also because there are so many different levels of rape, and they are not always obvious to those who weren't present when it occurred. Rape turns into a he said-she said crime, and our society is hardwired to blame the woman/victim in most of the cases. There are idiots willfully blind well meaning but clearly missing the point people who will try to claim this isn't true but it is. It is an ugly truth about our culture, but a truth nonetheless. It is pathetic and disheartening and I want to cry just thinking about it.

Add to that the way that rape is glorified (and torture in general) these days in the media and it is understandable why people are starting to push back against its inclusion as part of any given story. It is over used, used poorly, and often used to excite all of the wrong emotions. To me, the idea of being raped is probably the single most frightening thing that I could ever imagine happening to me personally, and I am sure I am not alone in this. So I understand how there is a perception among storytellers that adding in rape or even the threat of rape will dramatically up the trauma and get the audience to either go into protective mode or to want to root for the threatened party to fight back and find a way out. I understand that. I just think it's a crap reason for something to happen in a story. But just because it is so often misused doesn't mean that such an event is not a valid story-telling tool.

So.

Why was my character raped?

At this point in the story Laren has spent her entire life letting others make her big choices for her. She may have told herself she was fighting back and asserting her own independence by doing things like avoiding social functions and husband hunting. But the reality of the world she lives in is that when she refused to try to find someone for herself she gave up the chance to decide who she would marry. She has always known that her parents would arrange a match for her without her actively providing input. She might have hoped they'd just let her be, but given her position within the family, she knew that it was a vain hope.

She thinks she knows exactly who she is, that she's come to terms with where her life has led her. She has already started to see some indications that maybe she doesn't know herself as well as she thought, however. Primarily, we see this in her reactions to Liam thus far. She has ample evidence that she is only a part of his official life, but she continues to hold out hope that he might grow to actually love her despite his disinterest. With the introduction of Kara, she finally learns that will never happen, and she is yet again surprised by how hurt she is by this new knowledge.

She again surprises herself when she questions Nathaniel and Sebastian about their quarrel with Liam. Laren is a creature of logic (at least, she is meant to be, and I hope that comes across as I have written her) and she knows that, in the long run, knowing what is between the three men will not change how she should react to the situation. She is still Liam's wife, still the future lady of the Stag, and despite her hurt at realizing his love for Kara, she is not a petty person. Still, reacting out of emotion and unquestionably accepting their version of events, it is not what she would have expected of herself.

So when she is taken she is already questioning what she knows of herself, and realizing that she has allowed herself to be put in these circumstances by her own inaction. If she had not been taken, she likely would have gone home that evening, made love to Liam (wondering the whole time if he was imagining she was Kara), and later found herself with child. She would have given Liam the heir he desired and be left to live out the rest of her life in comfortable misery, wondering what she could have done differently but still accepting of the life she had been given.

I did not write this rape to make Laren sympathetic or to make you root for her. She is hardly an underdog. Nor was this included to drive home just how villainous Jonah and his cohort are. They are merely pawns (although I suppose this does illustrate how amoral and powerful their employer is that they feel not just entitled to such an action but also secure in the lack of any sort of repercussions).

This was simply the last straw for Laren. Not to break her or to make her come back kicking ass and vowing revenge (this isn't that kind of story). This is the point where she realizes just how completely she has given up control of her own life. To realize just how much she has given up merely through her own passiveness. Like Jonah and his cohort, she is a pawn. Not just in whatever scheme led to her abduction but in her own life, which she now knows wasn't actually hers. Liam's chant of "mine" finally makes sense to her now and she knows it is true, but not how she assumed (or maybe even hoped) it was meant, but for how it truly explains her current role.

She has been violated in what, for most women (certainly to me), is one of the worst ways imaginable. It almost breaks her. She spends all that time afterward just wallowing, on the verge of giving up completely on ever trying to make her life her own. Then, she is violated again, by someone she knows and actually trusts. But it is this violation that pulls Laren back into her life. Once she realizes what Roslyn has done, how utterly at the whim of other people she has become, she knows she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life like that.

So, the question becomes, what does she do about it? She is still married to Liam, and he is still in love with Kara. The welfare of her own family means keeping good relations with Roslyn and maintaining a respectable public image. She will not be allowed to withdraw from society as she did when she was younger and trying to assert her independence. So, given the circumstances she finds herself in, and the nature of her character, how does she find her own path back to a worthwhile life? To happiness, even?

That is what I try to answer in the rest of the story. This isn't about the rape so much as about what happens afterward. It's about how a woman accepts that this horrible thing happened and then tries to just get on with her damn life. It comes in the middle of the story because to understand how she would fare in the aftermath I, as the writer, had to get to know her a little bit before this happened to her.

I was able to satisfactorily answer those questions for myself, and I hope that my few dear readers will find those answers satisfactory for themselves as well.

Play ALL The Games!

You might have noticed from the little list of my activities on the sidebar that I have suddenly started playing three different video games at once. I think my husband has been rubbing off on me. At any time he's got at least two different games going and he'll play a bit here and there when the mood strikes him, switching between games according to his whims (or depending on which one of us has dibs on using Steam, since we share an account). Normally, I start up a game and I play it through to the end, then I start a new game.

Lately I have been trying to hold off on getting too invested in anything because I am getting underway with writing the second draft of my novel. This is my first attempt at writing a second draft, however, and I am finding that it is a different animal entirely from the first draft. This time around, it is not the full-out writing frenzy that I go through in November. Most of the words and ideas are there already. It is just a matter of rearranging them, cleaning them up, adding a bit here and there, and so on. At least, that is how it is going for this specific project. I can think about other stories I've written and imagine how those would be their own beasts as well.

Anyhoo. My point is, abstaining from video games while working on my second draft has turned out to be not nearly as necessary as it was for the first. But at the same time, I also don't want to get so deep into a game that I get too wrapped up in the story and start slacking on what I am supposed to be doing. Keeping up that detachment has turned out to be pretty easy, as it happens, because I've been feeling the pull to replay a few different games of late. So I figured why not just get them all going at once. That way I can do a few missions here in one game and a few missions there in another, whatever feels like the best distraction/break for the moment.

Here's a glimpse of what I've got going on.

Dragon Age II:

My Ebon Hawke (yes, I went there) arrives in Kirkwall with her mother, brother Carter, and Aveline.

Her most current appearance. I figured she needed a new hairdo after a year in Kirkwall.

Dragon Age: Origins:

Finally decided to try the Dalish origin. Here's my Warden Farris Mahariel (on the right) with the oft-mentioned in DAII Tamlen.

Farris giving us a lovely example of the lack of expressions shown by PCs in DA:O while being lectured at by Marethari.

Mass Effect 3:

My Jordana Shepard import from my first play-through of ME and ME2. I tweaked her hair color and makeup a bit.

Here's a shot of her in game, looking pale as all get out. Gotta love how different they look from the character creator to the screen, don't you?

I'm pretty early in all three games still, Hawke is about halfway through Act I doing recruitment missions, my Warden just got to Ostagar and is about to start preparation for the joining ritual, and my Shepard is getting ready to go to Palaven. That gives me three pretty different flavors to choose from when I am in the mood to play. It's kind of nice, although I wonder how long I will be able to keep up juggling them. We'll see, I guess. I feel like it's actually kind of appropriate that I am playing all three of these games while I work on the rewrite, since I found a lot of inspiration from them in regards to secondary characters and place names and such.

As far as progress on the second draft goes, I have read through it and made my notes. Now I am doing a little bit of logistical world-building that likely won't actually appear on the pages but will make the things I need to add in a bit easier for me. After that I just need to outline the major changes for the draft by chapter and then it is time to jump in. My plan/goal is to get the world-building and outline done this week and then two chapters a week after that. Once I've got three or four chapters stockpiled, I'll start posting the new versions here, a chapter a week, on Thursdays.

Yay! I am excited to share this with you guys! After reading it again, I am really proud of what I've got. I still don't know where this story came from, but man, I am happy it dropped in. Hopefully you will enjoy it as well!

Take Earth Back

Well, the Mass Effect 3 demo dropped this week, and I have to say, I had a pretty darn good time playing it!

Spoilers ahead for the first two games and anything seen in the demo.

Up front, let's get the few things I didn't like out of the way first: 

I always forget how different the animation style for Mass Effect is from my other Bioware games. It's not bad mind you, it's just different. It feels choppier somehow, rougher around the edges. It completely fits in with the feel of the franchise, but it always takes me a bit of time to get used to it. 

Where is my map????? Okay, this might (fingers crossed) just be a demo issue. Maybe. There was no map at all my screen, not even the semi-annoying little circle at the bottom that at least let me know the position of nearby enemies. Now, the menu screen has a "Map" option, but it wasn't functional for the demo. Granted, maps always annoy me in the ME games. I am not going to lie and pretend that they don't. But not having some sort of directional guide and not being able to pull up a full screen map to figure out where the heck I am or where the heck I am going was a tad frustrating. Now, you can use the "V" key to get a brief little indicator to point you towards your objective, and thankfully that was one of the first little (very quick) hints to pop up on the screen. I utilized that key quite a lot, let me tell you. Still, it would have been nice to have that little enemy indicator as well, especially since....

The camera just felt all out of whack to me. I am trying to remember if it is always like this in ME games, and I think it might be. I hope so, because that means it is something I got used to and got over pretty quickly. Still. Wow. Basically, you are just looking over Shepard's shoulder the whole time. It's not first person (thank goodness), but you can't really look around too much. Very limited perspective and no zoom that I could tell. 

Lastly, they have way pared down the way to access combat moves. It's always been a little minimal, but in the past when you scroll down your mouse (which is your camera control and your targeting control) over one of the UI parts of the screen, you get a pointer back and can click on your various skills/moves or change weapons, use medpacs and whatnot. As far as I could tell, that wasn't there at all. Your mouse looks you around, and you use it to point and shoot. You've got your spacebar to interact with objects that can be interacted with once you get close enough, and to use a special shot or biotic ability you have to use the number key that it is assigned to in the bar at the top of the screen. Now, that ability bar has always been there, with shortcut keys in place, but it was optional before and I never really used it much, preferring to use my mouse to select an ability from the area with my health and party status. If that option is gone for good, it is going to take some serious adjusting for me when the game rolls around (and some quick memorization, because of course many of the keys are different from previous games). 

Also, in previous games there was a way to pause in combat and order your companions to do certain things and line up a set of moves to perform a more controlled coordinated attack. I am pretty sure that we will have that ability once the game drops, because I recall the "giving your squad orders" feature being quite heavily advertised every time the game was presented at conventions and whatnot. But I will be darned if I could figure out how to do that in the demo.

Still, a lot of this is just more of the same for how ME plays, which I think stems from its creators trying to walk the line between a first-person shooter experience and a full-out role-playing game. It will either go away in the full version of the game (the demo is always going to be a stripped down version), or I will get used to it. I am not really worried about any of that. Seriously, if those are the only problems I end up having with the game, well, that would be nice. 

Now, with all of that out of the way, on to the good!

Squee!

The demo takes you through the opening sequence of the game, which is mostly cut-scenes with a few quick starter movement and combat sequences. After that, you get a second mission from later in the game that is a bit harder, but your character has leveled up and you can allocate points to the abilities you prefer for yourself and your two squad mates (Liara and Garrus, in this case). Then you get a chance to get really down and dirty and see how the combat works and how to best use your newly obtained skills. 

There are a few new faces right off the bat and a bunch of old friends. Not gonna lie, my heart melted a little when Kaidan popped up. Now, if you've played the first game, you know it's an either/or situation on whether you get Ashley or Kaidan, but the demo set-up gives you a chance to pick which one of them died at Virmire, so that was nice. From what I saw in the demo, I actually have to say they have done a good job at making this game accessible to people who haven't played the first two without sacrificing the wonderful story experience for those of us who have.

You still get the character customization option (along with a few presets to choose from if that's not your cup of tea). It's still not to the level of some of Bioware's other games *cough*DragonAge*cough* but at least they have added in a few more decent hairstyles/colors. Of course, that is countered with the option of having a freaking bouffant available as a hairstyle option for FemShep. I almost fell out of my chair, ya'll. What the heck is up with that? What military officer in the twenty-second century would wear a bouffant? I mean, really, what? Sigh. Also, FemShep's eyelashes are still just...too much. And there's no way to alter them. But in the grand scheme of things, not really a big deal. Like I said, there are some fun new options. I mean, I'll be playing with a pre-created character when the full game hits, but they do give you the option to tweak (or heck, totally change) your character's appearance even when starting from a saved game. So I am glad to know I can at least update her hairstyle and makeup. Hey, I have my girly moments.

Issues with figuring out how to use my skills and abilities aside, actually getting to see them in action was a lot of fun. I also really enjoyed getting to see some of my old (and older) teammates interacting with each other and with me. Story-wise I am really intrigued to see where this chapter will take us. From the demo we learn two interesting factors. The Alliance (Earth's space force) has reinstated Shepard in the wake of her being absolutely right about the Reapers, and Cerberus (with whom Shepard was loosely, if unwillingly, allied during the second game) is back on the side of the bad guys once more. Also, they have no compunction about getting in Shepard's way or attacking her and her crew. I will be very curious to see which of the companions from game two are back to actively help (or even hinder) Shepard this go-around. Especially after my husband pointed out how there is a large likelihood that in many people's playthroughs, most or all of their crew got killed during the second installment's endgame. That's got to be a bear for the writers to sort out and balance to make sure that no one misses out on too much content just because they couldn't keep a particular crew member alive. Still, it would suck immensely for all of those wonderful characters to just be gone. We shall have to see.

One other really cool bit from the demo? Female Krogan. Yup. The second mission you play in the demo is to rescue/escort one from the Salarian homeworld (while under attack from Cerberus). I mean, mostly she's stuck in a life-support pod while you are trying to get her off the planet, but we did get to meet her briefly once the day was saved, and she was awesome. I really really hope she has a goodly part to play in the plot, because I love her already.

One interesting new bit I noticed was the option for type of gameplay between action, role play, and story. I chose role play because that was the "traditional" Mass Effect experience. But from the descriptions it sounds like action focuses more on the actual combat and just kind of runs you through the story on rails without you needing to worry about trying to influence the outcome with your choices, no dialog options, for example. Story, on the other hand is all about that part of the experience, minimizing the combat, with battles not so much affecting how the story unfolds. Role play seems to be the middle of the road between these two paths. I think it is a definite example of how the fan base of this game is a bit wider because it does draw in the fans of shooters and the fans of RPGs but doesn't really fit squarely in either category. After I've done a playthrough in the role play style, it might be fun to try one out in story. 

I do wish that we could have gotten a glimpse inside the Normandy during the demo, mostly to reassure myself they didn't mess with it too much from game two. Normandy 2.0 is my favorite spaceship pretty much in the history of ever, even edging out Serenity, which is pretty spiffy. I will be heartbroken if they've gone and screwed it up.

I didn't mess with the new multi-player feature at all, so I can't really speak to that. But as I have no intention of utilizing it in the full game either, well, yeah. I mean, bully for you if you've been looking forward to that. Some of the comments I've seen online seem to suggest it is pretty well done. Not my cup of tea though.

All in all though, playing the demo just made me super jazzed for Mass Effect 3. I will probably play it through a couple more times, try out the different classes and whatnot, as well as to get a feel for the playing style once more. If you have any interest in checking out the game come March 6, I highly urge you to give the demo a try. It is available for XBox 360, Playstation 3, and PC for free (though I know with PC you will need to have or set up a (free) account with Origin, I would guess there might be similar requirements for the other platforms as well). You can download it by clicking right here. Even with all of the time I spent messing around in the character generator, it only took me about an hour to play, and I think it gives you a good feel for the franchise and the forthcoming game whether you've got any history with Mass Effect or not.

Keep Calm and Continue Testing

So with a little less than a month until Mass Effect 3 hits stores, and less than a week until the demo is available to download, I think I am officially done with Star Wars The Old Republic. I haven't canceled my account just yet, but I am thinking that will be happening sooner rather than later.

On Monday I got to a pretty good stopping point: Done with Act One and the interlude, back on my starting planet. I was thinking I would mess around a little and pick up some extra commendations (world-specific currency) so that I could actually spend the few I had left for that planet. They can't be used with commendations from other planets, sadly, and I didn't have enough left over from my first run-through to zero them out getting something available from the commendation vendor for that world. Tuesday afternoon game time rolled around and I just couldn't bring myself to log in. I just really didn't feel like it.

So I fired up a new game of Portal instead. I needed a break from SWTOR, and I wanted something different. Portal is about as different as it gets. I played that Tuesday afternoon and evening and as I was getting ready for bed I though to myself, Yeah, it's okay if I don't get any further in SWTOR, I had a pretty decent run. Like I said, I had hit a good stopping point.

I think the straw that broke the camel's back, for me, was when I finally leveled up my Artifice crafting skill to full power and was looking at schematics to make lightsabers--the whole reason that I chose that particular crafting skill. I figured out which lightsabers I wanted to make for me and for my companion. Sure, I wouldn't be able to use them until level 47, which I probably wouldn't get to, but I could at least have fulfilled the goal of making one. Also, I could make a few for my friend who is also playing in thanks for being so patient with me and for making me so much awesome armor. I looked up the crafting materials required for lightsabers (which are actually pretty much the same across the board no matter what kind of lightsaber, which is cool), there was one material that I wasn't sure where to find. All of the other materials I actually already had or knew where to get and could easily send my companions for more. But that one item, when I went to look it up, turns out to only be dropped in group quests by level 50 bosses.

You guys know I had already decided on an end date for playing the game. I have also mentioned that I've more or less been skipping the group quests. Even after finally joining a guild with my friend and friends of his, my heart sank a little as I saw the discussion boards about that particular crafting material. There was just no way I was going to be able to procure it through my regular game play, not by the time I stopped playing. I could try to buy it on the Galactic Market, I am sure, but I can only guess how pricey such a hard-to-obtain item would be, and as I have mentioned before, my in-game money management skills have not been great (largely due to two things: the requirement to pay for new skills as you level, and the ongoing repair costs for equipment).

That was kind of the last thing I was holding out for, I think, being able to make and customize my own totally badass lightsaber. With that out of the question, I just didn't feel any compulsion to play again. I feel a little bit like a failure for crapping out so spectacularly on this game, if I am being honest with myself. Because I am quitting. But when the game is meant to keep going, even after its end point, there comes a time when you just have to walk away. Mine just happens to be a bit earlier than most, I guess. I feel like I am letting my friend down, and my guild, because they all seem like really cool people from the brief interaction I've had with them. But I can't keep playing a game out of a feeling of responsibility to someone else. That's not fun. They are all much better gamers than me, I know they will be okay.

Anyhoo, so for now, I'll play Portal, and probably Portal 2 after that. They are short games, and fun, even when I am banging my head against the wall in frustration because I can see how I need to get out of the chamber but I just can't make it work.... There will be the ME3 demo too, of course. I'll probably do a write-up on that for you guys next week. Then I am just gonna bide my time until the full game drops.

Yesterday I found this little gem on the internet. I think it is a very relevant cross-section of my current interests:

(Spoiler Alert for most of Mass Effect and Mass Effect 2!!)

Who knows? Maybe between now and March sixth I'll get bitten by the bug and pick up SWTOR again for a furious frenzy before I put it away for good. I kind of doubt it, but hey, you never know. For the record, again, I do want to say that the game itself is absolutely AMAZING. It is just not for me. I think I'll just stick with fictitious promises of cake and saving Earth from the Reapers for now.

Although...if I happen to stumble across a mod for ME that makes Fem!Shep look like SWTOR's Master Satele Shan (both voiced by the super awesome Jennifer Hale), I would not say no to that...

The Grand Experiment

I know I have been a little bit quiet about Star Wars The Old Republic (SWTOR) of late. I have been playing it for just over a month now, and it has been something of a roller coaster of an experience. Overall, I have to say that I actually really dig the game itself, and I am very curious about how the story will play out.

But. 

I have come to realize I am not in it for the long haul. SWTOR is my first experience with a massively multiplayer online game (MMO). Even though I tried to ignore that quiet little voice in the back of my mind as I followed the game's development and then tried the beta and then started the game proper, I have always known that there was a chance I just wouldn't turn out to be an MMO kind of girl. I think I thought if I hoped hard enough, I would be able to enjoy that aspect of the game, or that I would be pleasantly surprised to discover I really actually enjoyed it. Sadly, I don't.

As I said, I really do dig this game. If it was a single-player game it would have skyrocketed right up to my top three favorite games of all time, beating out Mass Effect to take its place with Dragon Age and Sphinx and the Cursed Mummy. The gameplay is pretty solid. Some of my initial concerns from the beta quickly started to make sense once I got the hang of how all of the pieces fit together. The story is amazing, the voice cast is incredible, and the setting is, of course, perfectly Star Wars. Hell, I even actually enjoy the space combat missions. That came as an incredible surprise, let me tell you. I normally loathe the driving/flying portions I am forced to endure in any RPG. 

My ship, the Defender, is pretty snazzy too. Not quite the Normandy but no small shakes.

I think it is safe to say that everything I don't like about this game can directly be attributed to it being an MMO. Now, if I had a regular guild of people I know, in real life, who had a gaming schedule that coincided with mine, that I could go through the game with together? I might not dislike the multiplayer aspect so much. Then again, it might still drive me nuts, there's no telling. In an matter, I don't have such a group. More often than not if I want to do a heroic area quest (I have already given up on flashpoints), I have to send out a message in general chat to see if anyone is up for joining me. This is, quite literally, a crapshoot. Occasionally, I'll find myself in a group that turns out to be a lot of fun, we work well together and get a little bit of nice chat in the process. Usually, I end up with a disjointed group of people and for some reason we can't seem to coordinate our attacks. Sometimes we try to remedy this using chat and can't because they keep using traditional MMO shortcut speak and I have no idea what they are saying to me. Bleah. It is also not uncommon that I'll be ready to do a heroic area and there are no biters at all. I find it incredibly frustrating.

But the heroics are optional, more or less, and I could get by without dealing with that. Yesterday I looked at my quest list, and the closest quest to my position was a heroic. I thought about sending out a message to see if anyone was up for it, thought about it some more, and then just removed the quest from my list. I instantly felt better about the game. I can't avoid other players completely though. I can't even tell you how many times I've arrived in an area to do a solo quest and three other people got there right before I did, meaning my objective enemy or item is already dead/used and I have to stand around waiting for respawns. Sometimes I'll be in the middle of fighting an enemy blocking my objective, and another player will just run up, use the objective, and run off. Or players will stand around in the middle of an area I need to be doing something in, totally in my way. So there's that. Occasionally it works out to my advantage, in that someone will be trying to tackle the same boss I need to get and will see me and invite me to group with them, and then we both have an easier fight. But that is pretty rare, most of the people are either jerks or just oblivious to everyone else. 

Also, this game just feels like work to me a lot of the time. I now completely understand the term "grinding." There is so much to do, and there are so many quests, that I also don't really feel like I have the luxury of just exploring the worlds. I keep fearing I will fall behind. I mean, right now I am level 32 and I have only received two of my five companions (one of which is a droid and as cool as he is, he isn't much in the way of a conversationalist), and I haven't even finished Act One of the game. Also, I looked up my one potential love interest, and he has a seventies porn 'stache. Not cool. I get that it has to be a broader story and that it is designed to be played for, well, years, not weeks. But that just makes it feel like a never ending slog when I stop to think about it. When a game doesn't feel like fun anymore, I don't really see the point in continuing to play it.

So, my hope that I would end up loving this game despite (maybe even because of) the fact that it is an MMO has turned out to be in vain. This makes me a bit sad, I'll admit. Like I said, I am really curious about the endgame and the outcome of the story. I don't think I'm gonna get to find out how that plays out. I'm going to continue playing this game (on the days when it feels like fun and not work) for at least another month. The demo for Mass Effect 3 drops on Valentine's Day, and I am going to take a break to play that. Then, I will either renew my account for one more month and get as far as I can before ME3's March 6 release date, or I am going to cancel it then and finish my two active Dragon Age games while I wait for my new game to release. But until then I am going to get as far as I can in the story and try to forget that there are other players unless I really feel like doing a heroic area or unless my friend is online and on the same planet as me. (Though, by "forgetting" the other players, I do not mean to say that I will be a discourteous player.)

Now let me say for the record: this is not meant to be a complaint-fest. I do think SWTOR is a really awesome game. Also, from what I can tell, it is a really awesome MMO. The complaints I have seen about that aspect of it (largely in comparison to World of Warcraft) are almost all about things that Bioware has flat out said that they are working on addressing/fixing/updating in future game patches. It's just that I, personally, am, as it turns out, really not cut out to play an MMO. It doesn't fit my gaming style or my life right now. Maybe one day that will change. I am not sure I could bring myself to cancel my account if it meant deleting my character entirely, which thankfully it doesn't.

To end on a positive note, here are some of the things about the game I have found amusing of late:

Nar Shaddaa seems to have an abundance of TARDISes. Tell me that's not a Timelord transportation device, I dare you.
Someone at Bioware must be a fan of the Doctor, is all I'm saying.

That's my companion Kira and her wonderfully ridiculous hat that she picked up on Tatooine. I love this hat. I am never
letting her take it off. EVER. 

Alderaan has flying fish (upper right-hand corner) all over the place. This one is wearing a saddle, suggesting that on
Alderaan, people ride their flying fish. How is that not awesome?

Despite a lot of griping I have seen on various places in the internet, I also do not feel that this game tramples all over the canon of either of the Knights of the Old Republic games. I have really been digging the random references to the other game that I have come across. I feel like, yeah, it's been a few hundred years, and stuff has changed, but that doesn't mean that the events of the other games didn't happen.

Also, there is a whole set of gear called Mabari. Mabaris are the breed of hounds from Dragon Age. Picking up some Mabari loot never ceases to make me smile (even if I have yet to find any I can/would wear). 

So it's not all bad. It really isn't. It's just not me. 

Sigh.

Bonus Post! Star Wars: The Old Republic Early Access

As an incentive to pre-order the game, Bioware decided to offer early access to anyone who did. The early access start time was determined by when you registered your pre-order code on the SWTOR site. The first announcement about when early access would begin had it starting tomorrow, but someone at Bioware decided to push it up and it actually started yesterday. Given that I had Amazon set to alert me as soon as the game was available to order, and that I also have been paying close attention to the game's website and Facebook page, well, you know I ordered this game about the second it was available. Also, I registered my pre-order code as soon as I got my order confirmation email.

So it is no surprise that yesterday I was in one of the very first waves granted early game access. Even though I am in the middle of a playthrough of Dragon Age II, I scrapped all of my other gaming plans yesterday to fire up SWTOR as soon as I could. I might have even gone ahead and created my character (yeah, they didn't let us keep our beta characters, it's okay though, I had already decided to start over) and played through all of the opening cut scenes in the morning while my daughter watched Sesame Street.

My new character, Skirata.

I have a confession to make. After I wrote up my post about the beta weekend, I had a brief exchange with a friend that almost made me cancel my pre-order then and there. A lot of the factors related to this being an MMO are still making me hesitant about the game. I had a lot of soul-searching debates with myself, but in the end, I realized I am just too excited to try this thing out to give up before it even gets started. At the very least, I want to experience the story at least once. Also, it is good for me to try new things and to put myself a little bit outside of my comfort level, dagnabit.

So, I fired up the game yesterday and I have to say, I am feeling much much better about it already. Many of my complaints from the beta seem to be non-issues anymore. Part of this is that I was expecting them or have gotten used to them, part of this is stuff that was changed between then and now.

I have already made it to level seven and am doing much better financially in-game, and with keeping my equipment repaired and my character leveled, than I was the last time around. Knowing I can afford to level up and that my weapon and armor won't go kaput before a boss fight makes playing a lot more enjoyable. I do still find the battle engine pretty clumsy but that might just be my own personal preferences getting in the way there.

I still suspect I might only play through once--I have no real desire to play any of the other classes. I want to be a Jedi Knight Sentinel because I want to be a Jedi and I want to have two lightsabers. I think those things are pretty self-explanatory, really. Although, it did occur to me last night, that the game allows for your light side character to go dark. If it also allows for your dark side character to go light, that sure might be a fun way to play...

Also, I am not gonna cease to be amused by this particular side quest, ever:

Why yes, that quest title is "Flesh Eating Baby" and there is in fact a Flesh Raider Baby in my backpack.

Anyhoo, all of this is just to say that I am actually really having more fun with this game already than I had expected, which is a huge relief. I have also been leaving the general chat window open so that I can follow along with the player conversations and get a feel for the people on my server for when I do need to find a group and my buddy isn't available.

I did decide not to do the extra blog about the game though, but I will of course likely blog about it oodles over here.

There's still time to pre-order the game if you're interested, or it comes out next Tuesday if you feel like braving your local video game shop. I've got my server and character name up over there on the side of the page for anyone who is playing and wants to look me up!

My SWTOR Beta Experience

So, among the many distractions I faced during my November writing were not one but two open beta weekends for the forthcoming MMORPG Star Wars The Old Republic (SWTOR). The game launches on December 20, with early access being granted to anyone who pre-ordered it. To stress test their servers and try to find any last minute glitches or bugs, Bioware opened up their beta testing to everyone who had signed up to be a beta tester for two different weekends last month. They also gave out a bunch of codes for people who hadn't signed up already to be able to get in.

If you have been paying attention to this blog over the last year or so, it should be quite obvious to you that of course I had signed up to be a beta tester as soon as I learned that was an option. Then I sat on my thumbs for a year and a half kind of sad that I was never invited. Then I got my first invite at the start of November. After that initial rush of "hell yes!!" faded, I started cursing the bejeezus out of Bioware because, well, you know, November is kind of a no-video game month for me. BUT. I have a wonderful husband and he helped to make it work for me to participate in both weekends by keeping an eye on the kiddo so I could play during times I wouldn't normally be on the computer (so as to not detract from my designated writing time). As of this past weekend's beta, Bioware also lifted the non-disclosure part of the beta policy, which means I am free to share with you my thoughts on the game so far! Yay!

Meet Vakarian (named for Mass Effect's Garrus), Jedi Knight.

I have to say, there were certainly some frustrating moments, just getting into the game (stress test on the servers, yo) and then with the actual gameplay.

All servers full all the time. There was much waiting in queues. Let's hope that isn't normal.

Here is my laundry-list of complaints after two weekends of playing:

• Cool down periods on items and abilities. Okay, I do expect there to be some cool down period after using an item before you can use another like item, or before you can use an ability again after using it once. That being said, the cool down period on med packs (which is how you heal yourself in battle) is way too long. It just is, especially considering that the only med packs I ever tried to use were crazy low-level anyway. The other thing I didn't particularly care for is that if you use any ability or item at all, every item and ability becomes unavailable for you to use for several seconds. That is NOT COOL. 
• Your equipment takes on damage over time. This means you either have to find/buy something to replace it with, or you have to pay to repair it (which really isn't that cheap). I understand that this may be a nice little touch for those players who really crave a challenge. This is not the kind of thing that enhances my personal gaming experience, however. Especially when loot is so scarce in this game to start with, and the credits don't really flow for a Jedi who follows the code. It took me forever to realize that I even could repair my items, so I was prepared to get really pissed off about the fact that I would have to be constantly switching out my gear (which doesn't do good things for your inventory if you always have to have replacements on hand). I would love to see more loot in the final release of the game. That would mitigate this annoyance a lot.
• Leveling up your character is completely unsatisfying. When you get enough experience to gain a level, you do get a nifty little fanfare and a flashing neon display around your character, yay, hooray. But you can't click on your character as soon as you are out of combat and choose your new skills and attributes. Nope. Your attributes (strength, dexterity, etc.) as far as I can tell are automatically leveled up for you based on your class and specialization. You get a few automatic passive skills with each new level, but to get a new active skill (such as a new lightsaber attack or force ability) you have stop what you're doing, go find a "trainer" and actually pay him credits so you can have that new ability that you freaking earned with your experience. DO NOT LIKE. Grrr. Once you hit level ten and choose your class specialization (for a Jedi knight you become either a Sentinel or a Guardian), you get a skill tree and with each level you get to pick a new ability from the tree.
  

Skill Tree for the Jedi Sentinel

• Everything is just so darn expensive. Points two and three really all add up to this. Every time I started to save up enough credits to stock up on med packs, I had to use them all to purchase new skills, or vice versa. My poor Vakarian was always freaking broke. I can't imagine that the Jedi Order really wants to send their people out into the galaxy unable to actually afford to be able to do their jobs, but there you have it. I find myself wondering if Bioware has some scheme in mind where you can pay real world money for in-game credits. It would explain a lot.

All of that being said, please don't mistake me, this game is AWESOME from what I have seen of it so far. I made my way up to level ten through the Jedi Knight origin story (or prologue). I got one companion (my droid, T7) and made it to Coruscant before the test ended. For the most part I had a blast playing it. Yes, there were a few times early on when I was so frustrated I contemplated canceling my pre-order of the game altogether and just firing up Dragon Age again, but those moments were fleeting. I fully acknowledge my noob status at MMOs. I know a big chunk of my frustration can easily be attributed to the overwhelming feelings of starting an entirely new game for the first time and figuring out just what the heck is going on. I suspect a lot of the other frustration can be chalked up to my unfamiliarity with online gaming (as well as my hermity nature). 

The graphics in the game are absolutely GORGEOUS. It is the Star Wars universe come to life in an amazingly beautiful way. See for yourself.

Lovely day for a hike in the mountains, don't you think?

I had to harvest meat from these guys to feed a baby Flesh Eater. Note the quest title in the upper right corner.

Pretty Jedi Temple is pretty.

The Jedi definitely have style when it comes to buildings.

The light fixture's a bit over the top, but it sure is nice to look at.

I really felt like these glowing mushrooms should have been lootable.

Squee! Assembling my lightsaber!

Another day, another temple.

T7 likes to ride the banister. He's crazy like that.

Coruscant.

You know, I bet if a dude equipped that same vest, it would reach his belt. Just saying.

The story is also pretty darn engaging from what I got to play of it. I guess it helps that I have been reading all of the comics for the game's back story, and I am also familiar with the events of the two Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic games, which set the table for this one. But the game gives you plenty of opportunity to delve into the rich mythology of the universe. The codex entries are very detailed and interesting. 

Interesting and informative.

You also get the typical Star Wars scroll-screen setting up each "chapter" of your story. It updates as your game progresses.

I am not sure if this is a game I will play multiple times. I might play it through once and keep my character on hand for when new expansion packs come out, and leave it at that. Who knows? I might get absolutely sucked into the whole MMO experience. It's always possible. Though at the moment it just really reminds me that even my geekiest of friends are not the same kind of geeky I am--I only have one friend who is also planning to play this game. He lives in St. Louis and keeps a very different schedule than I do, we couldn't ever manage to meet up in-game to play together during the beta weekends. So I am definitely very nervous about the "social" aspect of this game. But here's hoping I end up pleasantly surprised by that. (Hey, if any of you are playing and want to meet up in-game, let me know!)

All in all, at the end of two beta weekends, I am really excited for this game to come out and to get to play it through. I think that, as much fun as the character creator is, if my beta character is still available to me when the game launches, I will probably continue her story. But if not, I can start over and play through Tython again. At least I will be a little bit better prepared to play through that area. 

Once the game does officially start, I will launch a new blog to run concurrent with my playthrough called Jedi's Journal. There's not much there at the moment, but please feel free to bookmark the site if you're interested. My plan with that blog will be to write a short form entry each day I play (or maybe after each major story quest is completed) from my character's point of view. Her perspective on the events of the game and the people that she will come across in her journey. It should be a fun experiment, and I'll remind you about it when I start posting there. I will still talk about the game on this blog, but that will be my thoughts on the game play or its effect on my life (or lack thereof) in general, I think. 

Eighteen days and counting, folks. Is anyone else as excited about this as I am?

Finishing Mass Effect 2

You know, there was once upon a time when stores like Game Stop, where you could sell your old video games or trade them in for new or other used games, made no sense to me whatsoever. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've always understood the point behind places like Half-Price Books, which is essentially the same thing, in book form. It is just that I could never figure out how a trade-in video game place could do such a brisk business. I didn't understand how enough people were bringing in enough relatively new used games for the model to be sustainable--because unlike books, video games do have a shelf life. Consoles weren't always backwards compatible, you know.

This is because I didn't know until high school that there was such a thing as "beating" a video game. Even then it was only a barely conceived realization. I remember one time in eighth or ninth grade I spent an entire holiday weekend holed up in my room playing Super Mario 3, and trust me, I never even came close to beating that game. I didn't finish an entire video game until I was well out of college, people. Sure, part of that is due to the fact that after eighth or ninth grade I didn't play any video games until after college, but still.

Now, however, I totally get it. Some games are fun enough to play through once, but after you've finished you know you're not gonna really want to play it again. Some games *cough*KingdomHearts*cough* become your white whale, and once you finally beat them, you just want to shove them across the counter, get your in-store credit, and get on with your life. So the games that you end up actually holding on to are the games that you want to play again. For a game to fall into that category it needs to either have a really fun and engaging gameplay mechanic or it needs to have a fantastic story. Preferably, it should have both.


Mass Effect 2 is definitely one of those games to keep and replay. It has an engaging gameplay experience and an outstanding story, making it full of awesome and win. It is also very replayable, because there are numerous variables that can alter your experience with the game, and make sure that every time you play is a little bit different. Some of of those variables might be the choices made from your imported play of the first game (or the backstory choices you make when you start the game if you didn't play the first one), the background, class, gender, and skills you choose for your character. There are many different romance options for your Commander Shepard. The order in which you carry out Shepard's missions comes into play as well. There is also the choice to play the game as a paragon (good guy) or renegade (self-explanatory), which will affect your interactions with others throughout the game.

Then, of course, there is the game's final mission.

***SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS***

***SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS***

***SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS***

The first time I played through Mass Effect 2 I went straight through the Omega 4 relay once my crew was abducted by the collectors. My team and I went in there and rescued them all, kicked the bad guy's butt, and went home, every single one of us. I thought nothing of it at the time and was just happy to have completed the game and pretty satisfied with the story. I moved on to play Dragon Age: Origins, and  well, you know what happened to me after that. 

Then my husband played Mass Effect 2.

We share an office, my husband and I, and one of our favorite things to do of an evening is to hang out in the office and play our games "together," by which I mean, he sits on his computer and plays his game and I sit on my computer and play my totally different game, and we snark back and forth with each other commenting on what we hear coming from the other person's monitor. What? Don't look at me like that. It's fun. Anyhoo, point being that I was more or less following along with his playthroughs of Mass Effect and Mass Effect 2. I had actually gotten him the first game as a Christmas present the year before our daughter was born, but somehow I ended up playing it first and getting hooked (I think because I found out Seth Green did a voice in the game). I was really excited that he was finally getting the chance to play it, partly because I wanted him to experience the awesomeness, but also because it afforded me the chance to see how the game was different through his playing style as compared to mine. For example, I was delighted when he opted to romance Tali in the second game, an option not available to my female Shepard. 

I was in the office when he went through the Omega 4 relay and embarked on the final mission of the game. I was only half paying attention to what he was doing and looked over at a sound of dismay, appalled to see Garrus dead, actually, permanently, in-game dead. "What did you do?!?" I asked him in shock. He shrugged that he didn't know and kept on playing. I watched in horror as more members of his team kept dropping, dying permanently, including beloved Tali. Again, I asked, "What did you do?" I couldn't believe it. (He wasn't too happy about it either.)

It turns out that, unless you cheat use a walkthrough or hints, the odds of your entire crew and team surviving the final mission on your first playthrough are pretty darn slim. There's a whole series of variables you have to do correctly to make that happen. You can't traipse across the galaxy after your crew gets abducted, for example, and expect them to survive to be rescued. If you go on one or two missions before going through the Omega 4, half of them die (one of your buddies gets dissolved into goo right in front of you just as you arrive to save them). If you go on more missions than that, the doctor is the only one left to be rescued. Your entire party has to be loyal (you get missions throughout the game to complete to earn each character's loyalty). Anyone not loyal is pretty much just so much cannon fodder. You have to have installed all of the available upgrades to your ship, or people don't make it. Finally, at each step of the final mission, you have to choose wisely when assigning your party to do the various tasks required to infiltrate the collectors' base. Looking at the list of things required to ensure complete survival can be more than a little bit daunting. My husband was pretty impressed I had managed it on my first try pretty much by accident after we found out what the deal was. Hell, if enough of your party gets killed off, Shepard doesn't survive the final mission at all. 

This is the kind of thing that makes this game one you will want to play multiple times though. There are just so many ways the final moments can play out.

I can't imagine why anyone would keep a playthrough where they lost party members to port into Mass Effect 3 (my husband fully intends to go back to an earlier save and replay that part of the game and see if he can have a happier outcome). But if they do, then anyone who died won't be available in game three. At all. Yeesh.

Knowing all of this made me really nervous when I approached the Omega 4 mission the second time around. All of a sudden, I was paranoid as hell that I wouldn't be able to finish everyone's loyalty missions before the crew got abducted. I was worried I would choose totally the wrong person for one of the assignments on the collector base, and so on. It is possible I had a guide pulled up on iPad so that I could check it, just in case, while I was playing the final mission. It is also possible that I might have used it once or twice, and was relieved to find out that my instinctual choice for each mission had been a good one. In the end, I managed to rescue my whole crew and my entire team walked (well, ran) out of that base alive. Then I got to tell the Illusive Man to shove it. I texted my husband in my excitement and there may have been a celebratory fist pump or two into the air. Good times were had by all.

Then I moved on to play Dragon Age: Origins again...

Back To School

I had a couple of interesting (to me) realizations this past weekend.

1. There was a time, not too long ago, when pretty much any and all mad money I possessed went towards purchasing DVDs, as the massive collection in my front room will attest. Now, though? Pretty much anything "extra" I get that doesn't go towards spoiling my daughter is spent on yarn and video games. I still buy the occasional DVD, but only of a movie I have already seen (this was not always the case) or of a few very limited television series. I've even been weeding my collection out pretty heavily, trying to cut back on all of those previous impulse buys. It's not as if I have that much time for watching DVDs at any rate. Nope, when I get child-free time I am usually playing games, and when my daughter is playing on her own I am knitting or crocheting while I supervise.
   
2. In between no longer working and spending all of my time with a toddler, I have pretty much lost all of my socialization skills. The only adults I regularly spend time with are people I have already known for quite some time. But unless someone else initiates contact, I have pretty much lost the ability to make new friends, or even really to hold my own in a conversation with strangers at, say, a party where I don't know many people.

I don't say any of this to complain. It just really hit home to me after a weekend with quite a bit more socializing than I am used to these days. We are ever-changing beings, to be certain, and it would be silly to expect me to be the same person I was four or five years ago, especially with all that has transpired in my life since then. But seeing as we are ever-changing, I have hope that maybe I can direct some of the next round of that change.

To that end, I really need to relearn those socialization skills. I have always been painfully shy, but it has gotten worse in the last few years. I think the best way to do this is through those two things I am truly passionate about at this point in my life beyond my family. I'm not quite sure how to work the video game angle quite yet (though it does seem to hold up well as a conversation topic in the groups of people I do tend to find myself in when I am out and about). But I think my love of crocheting and knitting is really going to serve me well here.

I would like to spend more of my yarn-allocated money at my local yarn shop, Jenning Street Yarns, because I have learned through my mother (and many of the yarn-related blogs I have begun to read) what a treasure our local yarn shops truly are. Normally, I buy my yarn online (like any true antisocial hermit), or at a faceless chain store. Granted, this is often the much more cost-effective method, because the really nice stuff isn't cheap. So I need to find a valid reason to go to the local yarn store beyond just spending money. Luckily, there are a few good ones. 

For one thing, Jenning Street Yarns offers a pretty wide range of classes--where you work with an instructor in a group all making the same project for a few sessions. This will definitely be a benefit to my ongoing quest to boost my meager knitting skills. Sadly I just missed the sock-knitting class, but I suspect they offer those on a pretty regular basis, and I am keeping my eyes open for other classes in my skill level that offer a project interesting to me.

I also learned that my yarn shop holds a monthly social. The third Sunday of every month they open up their doors for a few hours and invite local knitters and crocheters to bring in their projects and, well, socialize with each other. I've marked my calendar down for the next one and am going to try to attend, even though part of my brain is already screaming in terror at stepping so far out of my comfort zone. Still gonna plan to do it though. Heck, maybe I'll wear one of my video game shirts and that will give me something extra to talk about...

My husband mentioned that a friend of his is moving back to town in the near future and she is a yarncrafter. He mentioned to her that I am as well and she told him that she is thinking about starting up a yarn circle when she gets here to help meet new people. I found myself really excited about the idea and hoping that it pans out. I also know that there are those among my current friends and acquaintances who pursue their own yarncrafts. So in addition to outings at the yarn store I will be looking to join or start a once or twice a month yarn circle among people who are already more or less known quantities.

I think that these outlets will be a really good place to start getting myself back in the world of socially functional folk. We'll have to see how it goes, eh?

Mass Effect Revisited

I am a good chunk of the way through my second play of Mass Effect--maybe a third to half of the way done, and one big thing that has been standing out for me as I play is just how different a gaming experience ME is from Dragon Age. I mean, sure, they are two completely different games, of course they are different experiences, but they are from the same company, there is some overlap on the teams. There are many points where clear similarities exist, certainly. But the actual way in which the game is played is amazingly different to my relatively noobish eyes.

Now, it is entirely possible that the differences can be completely attributed to the fact that ME is a science fiction shooter, while DA is a straight up sword-wielding, magic-slinging fantasy. ME is the only "shooter" I have actually played (and it is likely to stay that way). But it is intriguing to me to see how one company came come up with such differing methods of game play. Today I thought I'd share with you some of the differences that have really stuck out for me. (Bear in mind that these are from ME itself and not ME2, which I have not started replaying yet and so can't really use for comparison at this juncture.)

Party Configuration. This is a fairly obvious difference, of course. In DA you bring with you up to three other members of your party on any quest, plus yourself. In ME you only get two people plus yourself. So you are running through the galaxy a man down, at least from my perspective. I think it is also interesting that when you are selecting your squad in ME, you get a breakdown how how your "strength" adds up with your party configuration. Basically, there are three kinds of prowess in the ME universe: biotic, tech, and combat. Most characters either split their strengths between two of those fields or put it all into one of them, and when you are on a quest, your strength in a field is that of whichever of your party members ranks highest in that field. So when you pick your party, you get a little screen showing how your strengths are ranked in that combination.

Squad Selection Screen.

Along with the other party changes I've mentioned, there is also the issue of control of each character. In DA you can assume full control of any character in your party--you can run around as that character and act as them while your actual character, if still alive, will go on autopilot dictated by the tactics in place for your character. You can set up tactics for every character in your DA party, including your own, dictating what actions a character should take in any given set of circumstances. There are default tactics in place, of course, if you wish to never fiddle with that (or just never find your way to that screen), and that is fine for the most part. Though once you get the hang of using the tactics, I have found they are pretty darn useful. If your player character dies in a battle but the rest of your party is still standing, you can just switch to one of them and keep going. That has come in handy for me in many a fight--I can't even tell you how many times I finished a battle out with only one NPC left standing. Compare all of that to ME, though. There are no "tactics" as far as I have discovered. (I could have just totally missed them though, but the lack of direction toward that part of the game, if that is the case, is a big lack indeed.) During combat, you can pause and issue "orders" to your companions--deciding which target that person will attack next and what attack will be used, but that's about it. You can't click on, say, Tali and walk her over behind a stack of crates for cover, yourself. There is a way to order your party to move to certain points, but I still haven't figured out how the heck that works, so it is a useless feature for me. Also, if Sheppard, your player character, dies in battle, it doesn't matter what the rest of your party is doing, it's game over. Grr, argh.

Maps. I really, really, don't like the area maps in ME, y'all. I just don't. You get this little round scanner circle in the bottom of your screen, and it is more or less directionless. If there are enemies within that circle, they show up as little red triangles, and there are orange icons for plot points or points of interest.

Note the scanner in the bottom--the compass does indicate North, but that is all but useless if you don't know what's where.

If you want a more "detailed" area map, you have to go to the full map screen, and all you get is an outline of the area you're in. There's nothing to indicate what you've already explored (DA gives you the option to leave the map blank until you've been in a space, so you can see if you have hit every part of it). You can place a little flashing arrow at your intended destination, and when you go back to playing there will be a flashing arrow on your scanner, but it is crazy easy to get turned around even with that kind of guideline. I think my basic problem with the maps in ME is that they don't encourage exploration. I am one of those who likes to "finish" the map--run around in every corner of an area or level to make sure I didn't miss anything interesting (or important). ME isn't really set up for that way of playing.

When you are exploring a planet, this is the kind of map you get.

Navigation. So in ME you are flying around in a spaceship, yay! That means, as I am sure you would guess, star maps. I'll admit, the star maps I like.

Welcome to the Normandy's galaxy map.

You open up the Galaxy Map in your ship and it shows you the planet that you are currently in orbit around. You can click on the various planets in the solar system, and most of them you only get a little information blurb about. The blurbs are pretty interesting, actually, though it is very easy to get bogged down reading them if you're not careful. For some planets you have the option to "survey" them, which might yield an alien artifact (worth credits, whee!) or a rare mineral or gas deposit. Only a few planets give you the option to actually land--those are the planets with quests on them. Zoom out to get to the solar system screen.

Planet screen.

Solar System Screen, your current location is indicated by the ship.

If you want to leave the solar system, zoom out and you will be taken to the "cluster" level, which shows you all of the nearest solar systems.

Cluster Map--You are where the ship is, move the cursor and click to travel.

From there you can travel to another system or zoom out again to the galaxy map and choose between all of the clusters. Click on a cluster or solar system to travel to another part of the galaxy.

Galaxy Map--Each blue circle is a cluster, your location is marked in orange, plot points are labeled in blue.

This part isn't so bad. It is annoying that there is little to no indication of which clusters/systems contain your active quests (only the main plot quests are labeled on the map). You have to be sure to check your journal to find out where to go if you have a specific quest in mind that you want to tackle. But the annoyance factor on that is minimal, because this actually does encourage exploring. If you wander into a random system with a possible quest you'll get a message from one of your bosses asking you to investigate something in your area, and surveying all of the planets helps you to fulfill some of the optional quests. No, where the problems with navigation in ME come in are when you actually land on a planet.

See, your ship, the Normandy, apparently doesn't do landings. Instead you load your team into the Mako, your little tank (pictured above), and the pilot air drops you somewhere on the planet's surface. Then you have to find the point of interests on your map and mark them so you can drive the Mako there (hoping you don't miss any mineral deposits along the way, which aren't marked on the map and which you can only see on your scanner as you get close to them). Driving the Mako is a pain in the ass. I know of no nicer way to put it. The controls are crazy touchy, it is super vulnerable to attack, and it makes the entire process of getting from point A to point B planetside more annoying than anything else in the whole game. I am consistently boggled that a game as amazing as ME has such a horrendous mechanic built in to it. Granted, I have hated pretty much every "driving" level or mini-game in every game I have ever played ever (this may be why I gravitate toward games like DA where there is nothing for you to drive), but the Mako is pretty universally hated. I actually think the big problem is that the design team went so above and beyond with creating the atmospheres of the planets. The terrain is crazy detailed and realistic, which is great, unless you are trying to drive over all those freaking mountains.

Leveling Up. Most RPGs in my experience level up your character basted on traits and skills. The traits (strength, dexterity, cunning/charisma, constitution, magic, willpower, ect.) affect how much damage and what kinds you can deal out and withstand in combat, as well as how well you perform your chosen skills (and which skills you can choose). I have just finally gotten the hang of how to level up with this system, so of course I come into my ME replay and am reminded that it is completely different here. Sigh. It's not bad, don't get me wrong, it is just totally different.

This is a level-up screen.

With ME it is just all lumped in together. Depending on your class, you have a specific set of skills available to you. Each time you level up you get a certain number of points to invest in those skills. The more points you invest in a skill, the better you are at it. Also, as you reach certain levels of proficiency in some skills, new ones are unlocked. It is a fairly simple system, overall. I am still not sure if I like it or not, to be honest. It does feel easier than DA's leveling engine, I will admit, but with that ease, you lose the level of fine control available in the more complex system.

Inventory. One definite bonus of ME over DA? There is no limit to your inventory--you can pick up as much loot as you can find (though you can only carry a limited number of medi-gel packs and grenades). The downside to that is that there is decidedly less loot to be found in this game. Unlike DA, you can't walk into an area, press "Tab," and see all items that can be interacted with (or looted). This has left me constantly feeling sure that I have missed something really important, but the truth is, there isn't all that much important to find by looting that won't be just shoved right in your face in ME. You don't even need to search bodies after a battle, the loot of anyone killed by your team is automatically available to you via the equipment screen as those people die. The types of loot are also pretty limited as well.

Inventory Screen.

Every character wears armor of some sort and carries with them the following: an assault rifle, a shotgun, a pistol, and a sniper rifle. Depending on your class, you might also have a biotic amp (a tool that allows you to focus your telekinetic type abilities if you have them) or an omni-tool, which hackers and tech experts use to help them manipulate and interface with computers and whatnot. Sheppard carries grenades and medi-gel packs (i.e., health potions) as well. In theory, any character can use any of the standard weapons, but each character is only trained in using a few of them--training has a big influence on the effectiveness (accuracy, damage, ect.) of your weapon. But even if you aren't trained in a weapon and never want to use it, you still have to carry the darn things around with you. This annoys me greatly.

I digress. For each type of weapon, there are a few manufacturers, and as you progress through the game you'll find better versions of each manufacturer's weapons, so you can be sure to equip the best weapons you can find (or buy). Each gun also has upgrade slots, one (or more) for the gun itself, and one for the ammunition. This can allow you to specialize your weapons for specific situations or enemies if you so choose. Upgrades are also available for your armor and grenades. So basically you end up with lots of multiples of the same thing in your inventory. This is not that unique, but given the limited type and number of items in ME, it is a matter of course rather than the infrequent occurrence it is in DA.

One bonus of items in ME over DA is that if you decide to destroy an item rather than sell it, you don't screw yourself over. Destroyed items in ME are converted to omni-gel, which you can use to repair the Mako or to hack into safes/computers/lockers if you don't feel like doing (or fail) the little hacker puzzle. That's kind of nice.

Stores. DA stores definitely have an advantage over ME stores. In ME stores, everything is either a) all lumped together in a list that is a pain to sort through, or b) too sorted, meaning that one vendor will have two or more separate stores--you have to exit out of one and start up a new dialogue with the vendor to go to another, rather than just clicking a tab to get to that other list of items. Grr.

I know it seems like I have a lot of complaints about this game, and some of you may be wondering why I play it at all. But the thing is, the story itself? AWESOME. Just pure, epic win. It sucks you in, and even some of the distractions of the game mechanics aren't enough to derail you, at least not in my experience. Also, a lot of this stuff you get used to as the game wears on. It just requires an adjustment when coming to it from such a different type of game as DA. I know a quite a few of these issues get...I don't want to say addressed or fixed, let's go with changed, in ME2. I will be curious to see how the changes stand out to me this time around when I get to ME2 for sure.

I have seen quite a bit of discussion that ME is bascially a role-playing game disguised as a shooter and dumbed way down so that the shooter fans will play it. I will say, there is some validity to that argument that I can see now after having played DA so many times. The big differences do very much seem to lie in the game components that would be much more complicated in a regular RPG. It helps for me to just look at each game as a very different entity. As much as I enjoy ME, I do think it is way more for the story and the atmosphere than for the gameplay, as opposed to DA, where the gameplay is very much a part of what I love so much about the game.

It is definitely food for thought.

For now though, I'll just keep on playing. Because you know what, different as it is? It is still a heckuva lotta fun.